Writers Block

This is the about the fifth time I've tried to write a newsletter since September. First there was the embryonic one about my Olympic Tri experience which I was going to write on holiday but never did. Then there was the one about grief which I wrote after Andy's dad died and never sent because it was too sad. After that I tried to write something about what it means to call somewhere home for which I had a lot of ideas in my head but failed utterly to capture on paper. Finally I tried to write something on how I've been a bit of failure recently but it's again quite depressing. I cannot stop second guessing everything I want to write and as a result all my thoughts sort of scatter the moment I try and write them down.

Both the joy and the challenge of writing just for myself is that there are no deadlines and no expectations. Great in theory, just write when inspiration strikes you with no need to care about scheduling posts or letting down expectant readers. I also spend so much time working to deadlines in my professional life that the idea of setting personal ones seems somewhat masochistic. But then I go weeks or months without writing anything, not because I don't care but because I do - I want what I write to be good, to be meaningful, to at the very least make sense. I'm not sure this is a piece of writing which fulfils any of those criteria.

Can you say you have writer's block when you're not a writer? When all you write are other people's words or infrequent blogs or incoherent newsletters? I don't have a novel inside me, or even a short story. I barely even have an essay, I just have a lot of half formed thoughts. Please send your best suggestions for how I somehow extract these from my head more effectively!

What I've Been....

Reading (online)

• There is No Cure For Burnout by Ella Dawson - this is so well written and resonated a lot. Which maybe explains why I am currently bad at writing and better than ever at procrastinating
• What's Missing From White Fragility by Lauren Michele Jackson - a nuanced critique of Robin DiAngelo's book and speaking/workshop tour 'White Fragility'
• This Article isn't about Philip Schofield by Max Morgan - one of the best pieces I've read on Schofield's decision to come out as gay last week

Reading (offline)

• Binti: The Night Masquerade by Nnedi Okrafor
  This is the third in Okrafor's series of Binti novellas and honestly you should read all of them. The protagonist Binti is a black woman who runs away from her home on earth to attend a leading galactic university. Her experiences leave her forever changed and the trilogy follows her attempts to reconcile the person she has become with her heritage and upbringing whilst also trying to avert a galactic war.
• Such A Fun Age by Kiley Reid
  I bought this last Saturday night (Foyles at Waterloo is both a blessing and a curse) and read it in 24 hours as it's such a clever, well written book. The story begins when Emira, a black babysitter to a wealthy white family, gets accused of having kidnapped the child she is babysitting in a local grocery store. Her employer Alix is a blogger and influence who campaigns for Hilary Clinton and is desperate to make things right for Emira. Reid captures the zeitgeist perfectly - racial profiling, the anxieties of white progressives, the precarity of life under capitalism. But her storytelling is also incredibly deft, particularly when exploring how we all construct our own identities and realities.

Watching

• The Witcher
  I'm kind of amused by how popular the Witcher is because it's essentially campy swords and sorcery nonsense (which I, of course, love) which might have been made ten years ago but certainly not with this kind of budget and definitely not as a flagship Netflix series. The titular Witcher is basically a magically-enhanced monster hunter, played by an almost unrecognisable Henry Cavill, but the story almost isn't about him. It's about a deformed peasant who becomes one of the most powerful mages in the land and a princess who goes on the run once her kingdom is attacked. It's about destiny, people being both awesome and awful, and there's a really catchy song. I adored it!
  
• Brooklyn Nine-Nine
  I'm much more behind the curve on this one but isn't Brooklyn Nine-Nine awesome?! If, like me, you have also been under a rock and need a light hearted comedy set in a New York Police Precinct that is also really pure and about love and found family then this is the show for you! We've watched all six series in about six weeks and I am so glad that it was rescued from cancellation last year because it's such a good show. When I grow up I want to be Rosa Diaz <3

Listening to

• The Good Ancestor Podcast
  Hosted by writer and racial justice activist Layla F. Saad this podcast interviews other activists and explores the concept of what it means to be a good ancestor, digging into what inspires people to try and create change and how we can make the world a better place. I've only listened to about three episodes so far but they've all left me both better informed and inspired. Layla is both a great interviewer and chooses a diverse range of interviewees who explore different facets of what it means to fight for a better world. It feels like exactly the sort of podcast I need in my life at the moment.
  
  Doing
  Andy and I celebrated our ninth anniversary last weekend with a champagne tasting on the London Eye which was absolutely amazing and felt very fancy. We also managed to avoid the various storms and actually had some sunshine!
  

Thanks for reading - I will try to have something more inspiring to say next time! Cx

In the meantime I can be found elsewhere upon the internet as: @claire_michelle on Twitter: retweets and occasional rants @claire_michelle18 on Instagram: dog pictures and sporadic selfies Blog: very sporadic writing, sometimes about politics