Friendship whilst Adulting

I read something last week about maintaining friendships in another newsletter which has stayed with me. The author was upset that a lot of her university friendships had fizzled out whereas her (male) partner was still in touch with a lot of his university friends. She attributed this to female friendships being deeper, more intense, and more difficult to maintain over time and distance. I have to say this hasn't been my experience - I have close friendships from both school and university that have lasted over decades and hundreds of miles - and I don't necessarily buy that female friendship has to be this soul deep connection.

Having said that, I do recognise the feeling of sadness that you've somehow lost touch with people who you thought would be in your life forever. It's taken me quite a long time to come to terms with the fact that not all of my friendships will last forever. It feels particularly acute when you've grown up as a millennial, in a culture which stresses the importance of friendships and of connectedness. I also spent my late teens and early 20s mostly single so my friendships were the relationships I put the most effort into. But people change and grow, they meet people they love and they have children, and getting drunk at parties and dancing in nightclubs just aren't a priority anymore. People who I saw monthly I now struggle to see six monthly and some people I've pretty much lost touch with altogether apart from the occasional Facebook post. It might be a temporary blip but also it might not be - however much effort you make some friendships just don't stand the test of time. Most of the time this isn't because of any dramatic rift either, rather that you just grow into different people.

It's taken me a long time to come to terms with that. I always liked to think I was good at friendship, even when I was terrible at relationships, and when I started to lose touch with some the people in my life who I'd thought were close friends in my late twenties it was devastating. The friendships I have now in my early 30s are different, we see each other when we can and it's more often about meeting somewhere that will work for a toddler rather than somewhere that sells the best wine - although obviously good wine is still important! We're all (mostly) responsible adults with serious jobs and/or serious family responsibilities. I suspect that the friendships I have in my forties will be different again but I hope that I do manage to keep the people in my life who matter to me, some of the people who knew me as a drunken teenager and a reckless twenty-something as well as the adult I seem to inadvertently have become.

Stuff I've Enjoyed

Reading:
Amy of the And Then What podcast I recommended last week has been talking about a book called A Discovery of Witches on the podcast for a while. So, still wanting a bit of froth post-deadline, I bought it... The story is about Diana, a historian who also happens to be a witch, finding a mysterious manuscript and then meeting a mysterious doctor who also happens to be a vampire.It's kind of a cross between Outlander, Charmed, and Twilight and I still can't quite decide whether I'm enjoying it or not. There are some great bits - the author is a historian as is the protagonist so the historical detail is fantastic and there are some very accurate accounts of historical research. The lead character Diana is compelling and her witchy family, complete with sassy ghosts, are also great. However Matthew (the doctor/vampire love interest) is incredibly annoying - I think the author thinks she's written a mysterious and sexily masterful character but to me he reads as both creepy and controlling so I can't quite understand why our heroine would put up with it. However I'm well into the third book in the series so currently good historical research is beating out creepy vampires. I promise to read something more sensible next!

Listening to:
I've been listening to Vicious, the new album from Halestorm, pretty much on repeat for the last two weeks. I don't listen to as much rock music as I used to but Halestorm have been a favourite of mine since I first heard of them during my very brief album reviewing career in 2013 - brief because I was about as disciplined at submitting reviews as I am at writing this newsletter... They're one of those bands who seem to get better over time as well, that first album I reviewed "The Strange Case of..." had some stand out tracks but was weak in places however their 2015 album "Into the Wild Life" was one of my favourite albums of that year and still one I listen to regularly. Vicious is similarly good, one of those albums that just blows you away on the first listen and then continues to get better. Founder and lead vocalist Lzzy Hale has the most incredible voice and writes sexy, dark songs that are compelling and refreshingly honest. Well worth a listen if you like a bit of rock.

Watching:
Mostly the European Championships to be honest... Although I did watch the first episode of new US drama "For the People" the other day which I quite enjoyed. It's produced by Shonda Rimes of Grey's Anatomy and Scandal fame but it definitely seems to be more in the vein of Grey's Anatomy than the all-out ridiculousness of Scandal. The concept is fairly simple, following a group of six new lawyers during their first year working in a New York Federal Court. Half of the group are prosecutors, half are defence lawyers which sets up some nicely combative situations. The series started last Monday on Sky Witness (which I think is the new name for Sky Living) so the second episode should be on tonight.

Doing:
I ran an unexpected 10K race with my dad, brother and sister-in-law when we went back to Wales for the weekend a few weeks ago and managed a new PB of 52 minutes which was very exciting. I then tried to run another race three days later and had a torrid time so I wouldn't recommend that experience!

We also visited Bosworth Battlefield with some friends this weekend which was really interesting. They've made a very impressive visitor centre around what is essentially just a field where there was probably a battle over 500 years ago. Well worth a visit if you're ever at a loose end in Leicestershire, despite the overt Yorkist bias and the likelihood of running into one of the lunatics from the Richard III Society...

I'm off to finish my trashy novels but thanks for reading! See you in a week or two... Cx