To Do Lists and Switching Off

I've just come back from a week's holiday in the Lake District - we rented an idyllic little cottage on the east side of Coniston Water, the weather was beautiful and it was wonderfully relaxing. It's been the first proper time off I've had since Christmas, as all my leave so far this year has been spent either doing things (househunting, moving job, moving house...) or being ill and exhausted as I was when we went to Vienna in February. It was also the first week this year that I didn't write a to do list.

I'm not a naturally organised person so I keep track of the chaos through lists - work tasks I need to do, life admin, race training, books I want to read, stuff I need to get from Boots etc etc. A couple of years ago, the multiple list system got somewhat out of control in that I kept writing lists on random bits of paper then losing them and having to start a new list which I would then also lose. So I started a bullet journal, along with possibly every other millennial woman on the planet. My bullet journal isn't fancy as I am deeply unartistic and not particular interested in washi tape but it does keep all of my lists in one place. Well, apart from my work to do list - that lives in my desk so that I can attempt to forget about work when I'm not there!

This year has been a particularly list-driven year - moving halfway across the country necessitated a lot of planning as did leaving a very busy job without there being someone to hand over to - all the people taking on various bits of my job couldn't start until after I left. So it was very freeing to have a week away from the constant nagging feeling that I should be achieving something every minute of the day. My mind is much calmer, I spend less time mindlessly looking at my phone, I spend less time berating myself for not being productive.

So how can I bring this calmness back into my life now the holiday is over? I do need some structure - I'm, unfortunately, an adult so I have to make sure my life has some semblance of order to it. But I don't think I need as many lists - I didn't write a to do list for this week when I came into work on Monday morning and I feel pretty good about it. It feels important to push back against the temptation to make everything I do a task that needs to be ticked off rather than experiences to be had.

I think also I've been guilty of not allowing myself time to switch off. And whilst I don't really like the "phones are eating our brains" schtick that is so prevalent at the moment I'm quite an online person and I'm pretty certain that 20 minutes looking at social media is not an effective relaxation technique. I also find that the more tense or stressed that I am, the more I reach for my phone - as if I can't bear not to be doing something even at times when there is actually nothing to do other than watch TV or read a book.

I set some vague goals for the year in January, most of which I'm laughably far from achieving. I'm actually fairly relaxed about that - have I mentioned that it has been somewhat of a year so far?! The one that makes me feel guilty whenever I flick past it however is the aim of "being more present" - because I feel like I've been just dragging myself through each day for far too long. Last week's trip was wonderful because I was much more in the moment - which is always easy to do when you've travelled somewhere you love or want to explore right? The Lake District is one of my absolute favourite places so naturally I want to spend even the time when we're sitting in the car enjoying the views. And when you're trekking up a mountain attached to a dog who really would rather be chasing sheep (he is absolutely not allowed to do this!) then there's very little scope for checking twitter. However it's less tempting to just be in the moment sat on the M25 or on the same train you take to work every single day.

I don't really have any answers to any of this stuff other than to say that taking time to relax is really important! And that inadvertently I've been forgetting that so I'm going to try to be less of a "frantic endless to do list" person and more of an "enjoy the scenery" person. Tune in next time to see if I actually get anywhere with this...

What I've Been...

Reading:
I spent a good chunk of time last week reading some really good books which I'd been putting off reading because I knew my brain was too fried to enjoy them properly. So here's lots of books in lieu of other cultural recommendations:

I've been wanting to read Akala's book "Natives: Race and Class in the Ruins of Empire" since I heard him on Reni Eddo-Lodge's 'About Race' podcast last year and it absolutely didn't disappoint. Told through the lens of Akala's experience growing up as a working class, mixed race (but perceived as black) boy in London in the 80s and 90s, the book also explores the complicated legacy of colonialism and the particularly British intersections of class and race. I learnt so much from this book, both in terms of how it feels to be a black Briton, and more widely in terms of the history of the British Empire and the wider world. It's an absolutely essential read.

I also finally read "The Song of Achilles" and "Circe" by Madeline Miller which are essentially retellings of the Iliad and the Odessey but from new perspectives - Achilles' lover Patroclus and the goddess Circe are the respective narrators. Miller is a classicist so the historical detail in both books is gorgeous. I slightly preferred "The Song of Achilles" - the love story between Patroclus and Achilles is so beautiful - but both books are very much worth a read.

Finally, Caroline Crampton's wonderful "The Way to The Sea" which is another part-memoir, part-history - this time telling the story of the Thames from it's source to the North Sea, interweaving the story of the river with Crampton's own personal experiences of a live lived in various places along the Thames.

Listening To:
Kimberlé Crenshaw has started a podcast! Crenshaw is the American lawyer, scholar and activist who is credited with developing the concept of intersectionality, founded in the idea of the double discrimation experienced by black women on account of both their race and gender. Listen to her TED talk for an explainer or indeed listen to the podcast which is called "Intersectionality Matters!" as it's really incredible. It's relatively sporadic - there's only been 6 episodes so far but every episode is nuanced, thoughtful and will teach you so much. Episode 3 on #MeToo and Black Women was a particularly powerful episode - absolutely heartbreaking at times as you hear about the impact sexual violence and abuses of power have had on the women on the panel, including rapper and former TV presenter Dee Barnes and former supermodel Beverly Johnson.

Doing:
Walking up hills, cycling up hills, injuring Andy by making him run up hills, oh and some swimming in lakes. The Lake District in the summer is the absolute best!

Thanks for reading, until next time... Cx